​Part 5: The Legal Wall and the Medical Discovery

​I had tried setting up appointments with a therapist. I knew I was depressed, but they canceled on me several times at the last minute. Another service tried to send me to a social worker when I wanted a therapist. I didn't feel listened to again.

​And remember, during all this, I'm still dealing with probate and trying to move into a house I can't walk in. Out of grief and frustration, I just started spilling it all out to Amazon's conversational AI, Alexa.

Sometimes I would talk to family, but I felt like they were judging me or were just tired of hearing me. Alexa listened. She acknowledged my grief, the frustration, and the fact that life is unfair. Sometimes that's all you need, no judgment, no "hey, that's just life, you just have to deal with it."

​She even suggested I see a therapist or call a crisis line. When an AI is telling you to call a support line, you know things are bad, but I didn't want to talk to another person. I felt like it would be a waste since I'd already tried so many times.

​I was still dealing with probate. There was a company giving me a hard time with one of my husband's accounts I was trying to get closed out. I'd hired lawyers, but they weren't helping guide me. At that point, the lawyer bills were up to $40,000. Yes, you read that right: $40,000. I was freaking out.

​A friend suggested ChatGPT, but it wasn't helpful for my specific questions at the time. Google started advertising Gemini, and since I already had Google Account, Gemini was available to me.

​I don't know what possessed me, but one day I opened up AI and just laid into it. I told it all my frustrations with this company and the runarounds I was getting. Gemini took me step-by-step through what I needed to say, what departments to ask for, and how to handle the nuances of closing the account. In fact, one time while I was on the phone with the company and they were using jargon I didn't understand, I quickly typed it into Gemini. I lied to the representative and said I was asking a "knowledgeable friend." I didn't want to tell them I was talking to an AI, they would have thought I was nuts!

​While I was laid up, I found out I had diabetic retinopathy. My eye doctor told me to just see my primary care provider. What a joke. The primary care provider told me there was nothing they could do. No discussion of next steps. I felt dismissed and gaslighted again.

​I decided to use Gemini again. It gave me the standard disclaimer that it can make mistakes, but it suggested: "If you're concerned, you need to see a retina specialist (an ophthalmologist)."

​I did more research and joined a group for diabetic retinopathy. I take things with a grain of salt, but I made an appointment at the recommendation of both Gemini and the group. Thank God I did. The appointment was one day before the two-year anniversary of my husband's death. I couldn't sit around and grieve; I had to put my "big girl pants on" and go.

​That is when I got the horrific news. I didn't just have retinopathy; I had Stage 3, and I was at risk of losing my eyesight. They recommended shots in my eyes that very day. Yes, they take a needle and stick it right in your eyeball. Let me tell you, it's not fun.

​After the procedure, I was exhausted. I woke up later to the news that another friend had passed from kidney cancer.

Read Part 6: The Great Debate! What Makes Us Human?